Youre married... when are you having kids?
I tease with the answer NEVER. I have dogs, I’m a dog person. I don’t like humans, most people are insensitive, angry, nasty. At least dogs don’t answer you back, most of the time.
The real reason we don’t have kids? There are a few. The truth is, we have tried. We tried for one year. Nothing happened and it was heartbreaking. But, it’s easier to not discuss that with people who I don’t care about. People I do care about only get half the story too.
All my friends have kids, or multiple kids. Do I see how their lives have changed? Hell yes. Am I really that interested? In some, yes. In most, no.
I’m awkward around kids. I don’t know what to do, how to speak to a baby, what to do if they cry. The older I’m getting the more the fear of being around kids sets in. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to see people with children, but I don’t think it’s for me.
Or is it?
How are you meant to know? I mean really know. Sometimes I feel that I’m broken. I mean, non of my friends kids give me that broody feeling. I don’t look at a baby and wish it was me mothering them. I don’t see a pregnant bump and long for that feeling of being pregnant. Am I broken? Am I missing something that all women have? I’m a dog mum, that’ll do for me.
When will you have kIds? The clock iS ticking...
Your clock might be ticking but mine is perfectly fine, thank you. Your time lines mean nothing to me. I will try again when it feels right for me. That time may never come around again, who knows?
The older I get the more selfish both my husband and I are getting. We finally are financially stable, travelling the world, looking after our selves. I have my dream car, a great job, great hobbies. I don’t have time to look after a human, nor the desire too.
How old is too old to start a family? As I am approaching 30 a lot of people say to me, “Don’t leave it too much longer or you’ll be too old!” How is it anyone else’s business? How can someone else determine if I will be too old or not? Surely it’s more about how able you are, isn’t it?
Or is it?
Are we being selfish by putting our careers and own lives first?
Are we not following ‘the norm’ by not getting pregnant within a year or being married?
Am I not normal because I am not longing to have a child with my husband whom I adore?
Will I ever be ready? Do I even want to be ready?
I don’t actually know.
What I do know is I never have regrets and I trust the universe. I know that everything that’s happening in my life now, is meant to be happening. If children are meant to be, it will be.
I do have some advice for you though. If you are in the same position as me, stop justifying your reasons for not having kids. It’s your own private journey, good or bad, and you do not have to share that with people if you don’t want to.
If you’re not in my boat, stop asking people who don’t have kids when or if they are going to. It’s really not your business unless someone confides in you and wants to open up. Some women have children to keep others happy including their partners, which makes me so sad. But i feel it too. It’s ok for women to put their careers first. Themselves first. Having children is not for everyone. We’re not weird for it.
Dont make someone elses life your business.